Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Blogging fail

How have I not posted anything in a whole entire month?  I have been a big, huge blogging slacker.  In all honesty, I just haven't felt like writing.  I felt like I haven't had anything new to say and my mind I'm always consumed with the same old things (babies, jobs).  I've still been running, although I was a little bit slacker in that department for the last two weeks as well!  Before that, though, I completed two long runs of 8 and 10 miles each.  And this Saturday is the Tar Heel 10 Miler in Chapel Hill!

Today marked the end of our second month of trying to get pregnant and being unsuccessful.  I'm trying to fight off the fears that something is really wrong with me and we're not going to be able to conceive without serious help, but it's hard because I felt like everything really lined up perfectly this month and it should have been it.  Maybe I just thought about it too hard and too often this month - I could feel it taking over my brain but was powerless to stop it.  I've got to do better from now on because I need to stay positive.  This month I'm going to try hard to engage in other activities so I can hang on to my sanity.

I've also had jobs on my mind a lot lately.  I've posted plenty of times that I'm just not into the whole attorney thing.  My parents and husband aren't thrilled about that fact, but they are as supportive as they can be.  I know I went to a lot of school and a lot of money was spent (on my part as well as my parents'), but at the end of the day I don't want to do something that I don't enjoy.  First of all, I've been completely unsuccessful in finding a permanent job for the last 3-4 years.  In law school, you start looking for your permanent job around the end of your first year of school.  That was 2008 for me.  I've applied to lots of jobs, haven't even had an interview.  I've applied to jobs that I honestly thought would be a great fit for me and I really thought I would get...but I didn't.  And I'm smart - I graduated with honors in the top third of my class and was an editor on the Law Review - so it's not like I don't have the grades.

The only job I've been able to get is as a document reviewer.  Document review consists of reviewing hundreds/thousands/millions of emails from large companies involved in litigation to weed out what's relevant and not relevant to the case, as well as determining if the information is privileged.  The work is fine, but what isn't fun is that I'm working as an independent contractor.  Sometimes they need me, sometimes they don't, and when they don't, I don't get paid.  When I work I make $25/hour so it's great when the work is steady, but I haven't worked for the last week and a half (although I've really enjoyed being at home).  Document review is fine, but it's not rewarding or steady.  It's also giving me zero experience for all those real jobs out there.  I mean, I'm really excellent at reading email and checking boxes on a computer if you know of any jobs that prize those skills, let me know!

I did apply for a new, non-legal job yesterday.  We'll see what happens...

But between all the obsessing over babies and jobs I have still been exercising!  I actually got on a little Insanity kick over the last couple of weeks so I've done those workouts a few times.  Running continues to go well and I'm expecting a cute new pair of running shorts from lululemon to arrive sometime this week!

I need to get some more races on my calendar to carry me through the summer.  We've signed up for several 5Ks, but the Tar Heel 10 Miler is the last distance race we have scheduled. I need another big goal to work towards!  The Disney World Marathon has been in the back of my mind for awhile...but I haven't been able to commit because of our baby plans.  Should I throw in the towel on baby plans and make marathon plans instead?  Part of me wants to, but I know in my heart I can't do it.  We'll just continue to try and maybe if we continue to be unsuccessful, it'll be a sign that it's time to make these marathon dreams a reality.

After all, it is the 20th anniversary of the Disney World Marathon and I'm DYING to know what the super special surprise at mile 20 is going to be!!

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